Toddler For Sale

Don't let the innocent face fool you!

For Sale

Toddler

Just shy of 2

Willing to take Cash

INHERENT RISK OF TODDLERS CLAUSE:

please be warned that if you purchase this Toddler you may be subjected to:

*Vaseline rubbed into nooks and crannies 

* 1/4 gallon of milk dumped on a plate

*Full gallon of milk crushed to oblivion and leaking all over your floor

*The entire contents of a box of bottle liners distributed throughout the kitchen

*The baggie/foil drawer strewn all over the floor

*A goldfish trail down the hallway

*Every drawer and door in the house open

*Sharpie drawings on walls, desks, mirrors, windows

*Numerous trash cans divested of their contents

*Shrieking-- from not being able to talk

*A Semester-long art project given the "Toddler Touch"

*Numerous falls from climbing every piece of furniture, kitchen counter, cupboard, fridge 

*Adamant refusal to EAT

A.L.L. W.I.T.H.I.N. A. 2.4. H.O.U.R. P.E.R.I.O.D.

DON'T BOTHER BABY PROOFING:

You will never be able to anticipate the trouble he's capable of getting into.

Don't turn your back for a minute

Lock every deadbolt, but don't get your hopes up.  He's moments away from figuring  

TIPS FOR CONTROLLING SAID TODDLER

Take him outside
Drive in a car

Play Loud dance music

Put him to bed-- Works every time

Note: the preceding is not an actual advertisement